I must be Miss Liverpool!

Miss Liv image copy

I must be Miss Liverpool!

We are seated, lined up, eventually at the final of Miss Liverpool. The seats of the room arched around, judges desks empty for now. They have demobbed to a side room, making the final, ultimate, life-changing decision.

I must be Miss Liverpool!

It’s taken me four years to get here, I am twenty-two now, applying since eighteen, each time getting a little further, this time to the final. The extra cash borrowed for botox being the bar heightener. Four years of casual work to fund; hair, make-up, nails, extensions, tanning, designer brand gear and finally botox.

I must be Miss Liverpool!

When Daniel Lloyd won it she really became someone. She got Miss Liverpool, Miss GB and even got put in the Miss World contest. She did FHM, Playboy and even bagged the Face of Ladbrooks. She should have won Celebrity Big Brother, if it hadn’t been for that Shilpa ‘Shitty’. And then after having three kids with Jamie O’Hara, I bet the divorce settlement was massive. That’s want I want, a line of footballing boyfriends to make me the ultimate WAG.

I must be Miss Liverpool!

Then there was that Christine that got married to Paddy McGuinness, she was only eighteen and him in his forties. I wouldn’t mind being with an older fella if you got all his money and the celebrity lifestyle. She even got to go on ‘The Real Housewives of Cheshire’.

I must be Miss Liverpool!

Lots of the winners get signed by Impact modelling agency. There the best glamour agency around, on your page you model in just your bra and knickers and they list your vital statistics. Image, everyone who wants looking at you, men wanting you and women wanting to be you.

The judges are coming now, I look down and chant:

I must be Miss Liverpool!

Through my teeth, I repeat the words as the third then second placed are revealed. This is my last chance, I will be too old next year at twenty-three.
I must be Miss Liverpool.

I recoil as the winner is read out. No, not her, barely eighteen, a bookworm at college, a bore. Actually looks like she let her hair dry naturally and it’s not straightened or dyed or anything. Her heals are only three inches high and that’s not even a designer dress. I cannot believe it, with the title she wants to go the Alder Hey and visit the cancer ward as she has promised her Aunty who is a nurse there, ridiculous!

No night club openings, no botox, no boob job, simply visiting boring sick kids. What could have been, I could have been a leading WAG, I could have had my own line of product, gone on ‘Celebrity Love Island’, I could have married a footballer…. I could have had another boob job….I could of had a maximum divorce settlement.

I will never be anyone!

‘I must be Miss Liverpool’ is a flash fiction works from Alison Little. It was performed at the The Athenaeum as part of the Light Night 2019 festival.

More about Light Night

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in the woods

carved squirel cover

‘in the woods’ was a commision proposal for a nature trail to be sited near Alder Hay hospital by Alison Little.

in the woods….
Trail, Woodland Walk, Springfield Park, Knotty Ash

Specifications

The trail looks to present a selection of 15 signs based on an element of nature, wildlife, insects and local history relevant to Springfield Park.

Each signpost to measure around 150meters high in Oak. The top section of posts to be hand carved with either a creature, plant or feature related to the specific sign presented. The services of a woodcarver to be engaged, the finish to be left rough, not finely polished. On the first appearance, walkers may get the impression they have been carved randomly not commissioned craft-works. This is to be complemented by a matt lacquer giving the forms a natural woodland finish.

The signboards are to be A2 and landscape in design. Printed directly to Dibond with an enamel coating to ensure they remain graffiti free. The ‘in the woods…’ logo to be drilled directly into the Dibond then to incorporate the use of small prisms to reflect sunlight either within the holes or on adjacent nature growth structures. The logo has an interactive potential for visually impaired visitors, place braille panels to be added to the lower section of the signs.

Each sign to focus on a different element of the ‘in the woods…’ trail, the design shown has focused on wild garlic. There is great potential to work with local schools and community groups in workshops for slogan generation, image production and using recipes with wood foraged from Spring field park. The results of these workshops to be incorporated within the graphic design of the signage.

carved squirel copySign Board copy

More about Alder Hey in the Park